Penguins anyone?

Yesterday, the voice Junior hears in his head spoke to me and brainwashed me into believing that Everything Matters! was my favorite book we've read this year. This is how our conversation went.


Hello Katie. "Although to you we may seem quite knowledgable…we in fact know only one thing for certain, which is this:" your new favorite book from AP English 12 must be Everything Matters!, or else we will come find you, and destroy you. There, now that wasn't so hard was it? You may be wondering why this is now supposed to become your favorite book, and we have that answer for you. It is not because how great it is that it's insanely depressing, revolves around various types of mental illness, substance abuse and corrupt government projects, but for other reasons. Reasons being: You thought it was funny. Rodney yelling at his shrink? Funny. Junior being sarcastic? Funny. Us telling Junior our snide comments? Yes, we are very funny. Now, Katie before we show you more of why you love this book, walk to the tv please. Now, "the buttons. Make them snap. Control the image. The power is yours" (30)

…………………

What? of course you pushing the buttons has to do with why you like this book. Just do it.

………………….

Stop being difficult! We and Ms. Serensky are both "simultaneously disapointed".

…………………….

Why yes of course I am the voice…
I mean no, wait! Ah! Crap. Alright, I, Ms. Serensky am the voice Junior hears in his head. Do not ask me why I have been refering to myself as "we". "I do what I do to help you people" (Ms. S)

……………………….

Ok fine, I'll tell you specifics as to why you liked this book.

1. Pretty cover. You liked the stupid painthbrushy stroke things
2. You liked it because since it was published by Penguin books, there were little penguins hidden throughout the first few pages, like Currie wanted you to play I Spy with him
3. Silly numbers. You were intrigued by why they started with 97. But thats wierd. You're wierd.
4. Not many other people liked this book that much, so you liked it more. But you didn't understand why no one else really liked it. "But this becomes easier to understand when you consider, that you're eight times as smart, exponentially, as the smartest among [your classmates], and moreover, that they are keenly aware of this fact" (59).
5. I lied. You're not that smart. You just liked it because of the cover and penguins. Dumb.
…………………………..

Fine Katie! Leave! Go play with your stupid penguins!

A whole website devoted to dancing penguins!

www.angelfire.com/pe/penguindance/

My Top 10 Most Thrilling Moments of My Academic High School Career

10. My 10th most thrilling moment would have to be when I got first place in my Freshman Spanish class for making the best pinata. We were all asked to make different themed pinatas for our Spanish unit on Fiestas. My partner and I chose a beach theme. Instead of actually crafting something, we just covered an inner tube and a beach ball with paper mache, taking first prize. The teacher commented on our creativity and all I had to say was that, although I was one of the worst Spanish students in the class, "anything, anything, anything is possible" (302) (Everything Matters!)

9. The 9th greatest accomplishment was getting an A+ on an English essay I wrote on the book Twilight. It was two typed pages long, had 3 paragraphs and was probably one of the worst papers ever. Although, since I got the A, my classmates were "breaking out in peevish jealousies" (106), which was never any good. (Othello)

8. The next was aceing my Modern World History project, which was a video regarding the Russian Royal family the Romanovs. In my group, "All of [us] felt everything" (302). We were awarded candy, and many extra credit points for being the best in the class. It was wonderful. (Everything Matters!)

7. Not failing my first assignment in AP English 11. "When devils with the blackest sins put on" (52) thoughts of me failing my first English assignment, I backhanded them in the face with my 74%. Take that devils. (Othellos)

6. My first B on an assignment in AP English 11. "Well this is the last time I will ever do it," (29) was my original thought about getting a B, and I vowed only to get A's... but I was wrong. poop.

5. My first A on something in AP English. After I got my first A in AP english, I was ecstatic. I was "silent, relaxed and fully awake, a warm package of humanity" (302), seeing as that I had broken through the tantalizing barrier of getting an A on something in English. (Everything Matters!)

4. My first sticker on something in AP English. "I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad" (255), I'm just telling you this so that you know I get alot of stickers and you dont. nanna nanna boo boo!!! (Everything Matters!)

3. My first "great!" comment from Ms. Serensky on something in AP English, or in Ms. Serensky's words, somehting along the lines of, "that is satisfactory." (13) (IOBE)

2. My first A on a Poetry paper in AP English, my first thoughts were, "this is indeed a surprise" (26), but it was one of the best surprises I've ever had. (IOBE)


1. Beating the dream team in the multiple choice extra credit game. "For whiles these honest fools" (52) thought they were the best in the class, but I think not. beating them = BEST MOMENT EVER

Plumity Plum Plums

My favorite poem from this year was, "This Is Just To Say" by William Carlos Williams. I love this poem, mainly because I love plums. I do not like "harvesting fruit" (254) on my own, but I love fruit, particularly plums. Although this is a stupid reason to favor a poem to others, it still was my favorite for other reasons besides the inclusion of plums. I also like how short and to the point the poem is. I feel like the poem is not a short poem, but a fun-sized one, just like I consider myself. Since both me and the poem are fun sized, I identify with it, and like it even more. "But here's where it gets interesting" (218), I am not a Swiper like the popular fox on Dora the Explorer, so I do not like the poem because it advocates stealing. In Saudi Arabia they cut the hand off someone who steals from someone else for a punishment, so I'm surprised this person even had enough appendages to be able to write the poem (if they wrote it while in Saudi Arabia). "From your perspective, of course," (45) this poem may be construde as bad because of it's shortness and lack of verbage. But I only love it more because of this. I find that the shortened diction leaves more to be imagined. Perhaps the person who stole the plums from the icebox was an arabian thief, friends with Alladin, who galavanted through the markets, stopping at the booth of a Morraccan food vendor in his icebox in the middle of the night. I like thinking about this. Or perhaps, an Alien came down to earth for breakfast and stole the plums from the icebox of the President. Who knows! Thats why I love this poem.

The Exposure

Although many of my peers prefer the common multiple choice game at their favorite day in AP English 12, I prefer myself to be a bit more original. My favorite day in AP English, has been a compialation of any of the days where Ms. Serensky has harrassed or mocked any of my fellow students. I feel that the uncomfortable tension between Ms. Serensky and the person she mocks remains a great thing to observe as a bystander. One day in particular where I almost fell out of my chair from laughing so hard, was the day Jimmy tried to strip in front of Ms. Serensky. Some would have called Jimmy's behavior, "savage madness" (Othello, 84) but some people thought better of him, that it was just an accident. Now, "I'm usually not the smartest kid in the room, but even I could figure out something was wrong there" (Everything Matters! 44). We all laughed at Ms. Serensky's comments about Jimmy being the student who would be known forever as the student that had sexually harassed Ms. Serensky. That day, we had gone on with our discussion as usual, but we all could not stop looking from Jimmy to Ms. Serensky from time to time and breaking into giggles. Jimmy kept claiming it had been an accident and that he was sorry, but only received more and more comments from Ms. Serensky and the class. Ms. Serensky finally had to end the arguement with something along the lines of, "Well, I won't argue about the matter" (Importance of Being Earnest, 15). This day I remember I left the classroom with my cheeks achey from laughing and smiling so much, that is why its my favorite.

So you think you can Dance?

[Conversation between Reggie and Ashima, set in front of a Joann Fabrics, then moves to the alley between Joann Fabrics and Subway, Ashima exits Joann Fabrics with two huge bags, and sees Reggie in his wheelchair on the sidewalk]

Reggie: Heyyyy Mamma, where you goin with them purrchases?

Ashima: [stuttering] I'm just going home sir.... excuse me. [reggie moves his wheelchair to block her way]

Reggie: Not so fast pretty lady, I heard you talkin allll about them banks while you was perusin' the fabrics...

Ashima: Oh why yes! I love talking about the banks! I know all about them.

Reggie: [laughing] Well, now that I got your attention, "forget about the banks. The Fox got a better idea" (107)

Ashima: Idea? Idea for what...?

Reggie: An idea for us to talk about. How bout we talk about George Michael?

Ashima: [gasping] What?! George Michael! He knows a special secret of mine! "he told you something you're not telling me. Tell me, what did he say?" (45)

[Reggie laughs and rolls his wheel chair farther away and turns to face her. He throws a bottle of whisky at her, which she catches]

Reggie: "Pour me a shot'a that Turkey" (108) then I'll tell ya, then I'm gonna get reeeeeal wierd with it

[Ashima pours the shot and hands it to him, then sets the bottle down. He rolls into the creepy alley next to subway, and she follows him. With his one arm, he begins to strike various dance poses]

Reggie: I was told.... that you think you can DAAAnce!

Ashima: Well..... I can dance. And very well. In India we are taught to dance well at a very early age.

Reggie: Ok then, I challenge you to a dance off!

Ashima: [looking at Reggie distastefully] "As long as there are ten finger and ten toe" (7) I will dance off with someone, but you only have five finger....

Reggie: You can't discriminate against me cuz I'm a triple amputee! "[I] aint like this deadbeat motherf***er out here" (109)

Ashima: Well, alright then.

[Ashima sets down her bags and begins to dance violently to the disco music now coming from the built in stereo in Reggie's wheelchair, Stayin' Alive by the BeeGees comes on, and Ashima stops, letting Reggie have his turn.]

Ashima: "go ahead and start" (148) mystery man, its your turn to dance. I thought you were gonna get wierd with it?

Reggie: I'm just waiting for our judge, Ms. Serenksy

[Ashima gasps with excitement. All of a sudden, the alley gets dark and a spotlight shines down from the rooftop. Ms. Serenksy, clad in all disco gear, and in roller blades, comes skating in, stopping dramatically in the middle]

Ms. Serenksy: I will not judge you here! It is no use, I am the best dancer of them all, and I could beat an Indian mother or a triple amputee any day! goodbye!

[Ms. Serenksy skates away, leaving Ashima and Reggie confused. They look at eachother, shrug, and walk/roll away to the song "I've Had the Time of my life" from dirty dancing playing in the background. They stop, turn to look at eachother and give wistful glances, then run/ roll towards eachother and embrace]

END

Clive, You Suck.

Throughout our discussions about the book Amsterdam, we often analyzed Clive and Vernon based on their actions in the section we read. During one section, the one where Clive is working on his symphony in the lake district and witnesses an attack from a rapist that the local police are trying to catch, but does nothing to stop it. Our class had a field day with this. Clive's attitude was that "his proper business in life was to work, to finish a symphony by finding its lyrical summit" (28). Our class verbally attacked Clive from almost every angle. Many thought he was a coward, many claimed he was too conceited to help someone else, and some even claimed that he was too crazy in his own dramatization of the events going on to acknowledge this as a real thing. Thomas however, said that "if you're welfare depended on you finishing the symphony, then I get it", acting as one of 2 or 3 people in the class who supported Clive. Ms. Serensky then said, "Oh, we ALL know that if Thomas had a multi-million dollar symphony on the tip of his tongue, theres no way he's helping anyone else". Clive's reasoning for not helping the woman being attacked was, "if he had approached the couple, a pivotal moment in his career would have been destroyed" (95). This made everyone attack him even more. This I believe, was Clive's worst day. Never have I seen so much anger, frustration and contempt shown towards just one action by one character. Clive also tried to self-justify his inaction by saying that "the melody could not have survived the psychic flurry" (95), which only ensued more hateful thoughts and strongly worded comments from Jackie and others of the quiet sort who all of a sudden became very passionate.

Letter to The Unknown Entity

Dear scary unknown entity from Everything Matters!,

        Although you yourself are very creepy and intimidating since I found out  nothing about you, I fear there is something a lot more frightening then you and your unseen ways. This thing, is AP English 11, in the eyes of incoming sophomores. Your allusion to Junior's behavior, "like Mary Tyler Moore with a crack habit" (106) mimics the ferocity with which small scared students attack new English work. These children work so hard, only to have what they thought to be decent writing, transformed into a bright red scribbly mess. These students then convince themselves that it is not their fault, but that of the new scary teacher's that their writing is thought to be only worth the 50 red markings on it. Similar to how you think that you're "surprised...at how easily [Junior] can lie to himself", future AP English 12 students think the same thing of the new students who cry in the corner due to their bad grades.
     You, you entity you, also pose the question that all AP English 11 students ask themselves after every in class writing, after every SOAPSTone, and after every stressed over paper; "Does Anything I Do Matter?" (9). English students apply this question not to life, but however to the amount of work, time and effort they pour into their English class, only to receive more assignments indecipherable due to the amount of red or purple ink.
     Although I like you sense of humor, sir entity, I do not like you. You seem pompous and act like you are the best just because you know everything. I don't think so. I challenge you to embark on AP English 11... I would be surprised if you made it out alive.

No Thank You,

Katie Ciabotti